Im going to be perfectly honest, as is my way. I have been addicted to codeine tablets for a while now, taking as much as 25 pills a day (this is sadly is along with alcohol). Im fairly certain by now that I am hooked on pain. But on Wednesday 27th November 2013, I decided to quit, (the codeine at least, im not strong enough to take on both) and on Wednesday I suffered the most appalling withdrawals ever. People will know by now, that much to my disgrace, I have experienced alcohol withdrawal many many times but this was different.
The craving in my stomach was like purgatory, sheer hell. The best I can describe it is imagine having hunger pains then multiplying them by a thousand. What craving! Like having Cereberus wild in ones guts! Indeed so powerful were they that it was all I could do to to grip my bed tightly, go into a foetus position and pray for strength not to open a bottle of pills in order to end my torment. How I did it I shall never know, there must have been grander forces at work. Readers, don't try it, a fun day in the park it was NOT. More like a nightmare in hell, being pulled apart limb by limb by evil, grinning demons.
The craving was not at all of course. Sweats, chivers, projectile vomit, chest and throat burns, and other pains I will not go into. Suffice to say, the corners where an addict retreat for hint of salvation are dirty and desperate. Fun long left the building. I got the whole deal and made a mental note to never visit this dark morgue of anguish ever again. I have been touched by hellfire.
Time and youth isn't on my side anymore and I have a family now. Addiction and deathwishes cannot remain on my menu, the madness HAS to stop, and stop it shall otherwise even my shadow will shatter like stained glass. Bones and organs have withered from years of abuse, self inflicted naturally, the sadist wouldn't accept it any other way. But the way of the pill must end and I will conjure my best forces, forged from years of hurt, to combat them.
I do not ask for sympathy, I never have done even when laid on hospital beds, and I might be out of reach from prayer, so the only thing I will ask of you dear reader is to try and stay with me whilst I battle this crap. I WILL do it, its within my grasp now.
Diolch. Thanks.
Steven Francis
April 5th, 1996. My drinking had gotten out of control and I checked myself into a very nice rehab in Lancashire. But it did not end there, I foolishly carried on drinking for many years after. This blog contains old stories and the recent.
