My 'poetry station' in rehab
April 8th, 1996
Went for a walk in the countryside this morning. It was quite pleasant but felt like a school field trip because we walked in little groups of 3 and 4, with a counsellor leading the way like a teacher. I felt slightly offended at being thought of as addicts that cannot be trusted.
After the stroll, a doctor came into my room and asked, "have you finished taking the non permitted prescribed pills Steven?" I had brought some Mogadon and Valium with me and hidden them in my stuff. Bastards must have found them! "What pills?" I replied innocently, butter hopefully not melting. "The pills Norman (counsellor) told me about." He said not angrily.
Im certain these rooms have hidden cameras! Something felt rum. Oh rum! I had to give them up or Id be out and Id paid far too much for that. Sly f**kers. Still, im paying them to get me clean so I couldn't be too bitter.
Norman assured me they didn't practice hypnotism or any screwing with the mind to get you off alcohol. And this doctor told me yesterday that they don't do electrode treatment. "No! Nothing like that." He half laughed. It was a very real fear for me because this place can seem a bit "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest" at times.
Sent letters to Stu, Julie, John and Danny. Another AA meeting this afternoon. John (the chap nextdoor to me) said to the group. "It seems that me and this kid have run with the same crowd. We're kindred spirits!" And I guess he was right. The counsellor also said, "Steve, you seem to like talking. What do you have to say?" Adding also, "you're a prime example of someone ready for recovery. Enthusiastic and full of go. If I may say that?" I was pleased for some reason.
Theres an AA meeting in Burnley tonight but I refused to go on account im still throwing up bile and feel dreadful (even with sedatives.) And chucking my food down the pan. I hope the pipes don't block. Trish asked if I was going but I told her Id been excused this once. "Okay darling, see you later!" Darling? Could be in there.
